Elizabeth Vallano
Juliet's blog
Haunted MemoriesSubmitted by Juliet on May 21, 2009 - 10:18am.
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We all have ghosts and skeletons in our closet, right? I got rid of all mine a long time ago or so I thought. It’s strange to me how certain people who had once been in your life can still affect you even years later. I guess maybe affect isn’t the right word, but something about them haunts you. Don’t get me wrong, these are not mushy feelings towards this person, its more like “What the hell kind of lesson was I supposed to learn from this experience?” Basically what started this was today I came across a photo of this person. A certain online community website that sends you ”people you may know”. Random. Of course, I’m talking about an ex. Actually she was my first girlfriend. The first few months were good…really good. Then something changed and then in the blink of an eye it was not a healthy relationship by any meaning of the word. I noticed I stopped hanging out or talking to my friends, she was jealous all the time, had to know where I was at all times, controlled everything, thought I was sleeping with all my friends and the fights…one in particular I remember because it was my first Pride parade, and I was in it. Fighting and screaming (on her part) til about 5 o’clock in the morning. At one point, I thought it would turn physical. Actually, I’m amazed that it didn’t. The worst part was that her best friend was staying with us, knew what was happening and did nothing even though she saw how hysterically upset and scared I was. Needless to say, Pride was a blur that next morning since I had about two hours of sleep. Honestly, I don’t even remember what we fought about that night, but I’m sure it was over something ridiculous…it always was. After that night I knew I had to leave her, but I also knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Over the next couple of months I slowly started getting my things out of her apartment while she was at work. I remember trying to get the items to my car and hidden in my trunk as fast as I could because I had become so paranoid, that even though I knew she was at work, I was afraid she’d catch what I was doing. And I didn’t want to know what kind of explosion would happen out of that. I remember one of our last fights. Driving in her car, fighting about who knows what. It got so bad that I was visibly upset and she was trying to kick me out of the car. We got to a football game that her nephew was playing in. I remember this part so vividly. There was a woman there who was tied to the family. It was common knowledge that her husband beat her regulary. But no one in the family did anything about it of course. I remember looking at her with this “help me” distrought look on my face. As she looked at me, it was like we spoke to each other and knew what was going on. It was then that I knew this wasn’t me and I needed to get out of this situation. Finally, with my self confidence and self image being totally shot, somehow I got the courage to tell her it was over. And if you’ve been in a similar situation, you know what comes next. The anger, the begging you to stay, the “I’m sorry’s” and on and on and on. Nothing was working. I knew I had to lie to her to get her pissed at me enough to where it would keep her from wanting to hang on. This was a big risk for me, because even though we lived in different cities, she wasn’t really that far from me. So, I told her that I had met someone. I said nothing other than that. She flew off the deep end with that one. As expected, the threats came flying…physical harm, destruction of property, and inaudible screaming. Even at one point she got her sister in on the “we’re coming to beat the shit out of you” threats. I was terrified. I thought, “This is it. Something is really going to happen to me this time.” I had the police to my house in 10 minutes. Thankfully, she was smart enough not to come to my house. I changed my phone number and eventually moved. So, I suppose its only natural that when I came across her photo, it sent chills. As a human being I hope that she has changed and I hope that if she is in a relationship that she treats them with respect and dignity. That’s all I have to say about that. Thanks for listening. If you are in a relationship that makes you afraid, or in a situation that its not safe to be in, reach out to your friends and family. Tell them whats going on. You don’t have to go through it alone. Here are some resources that can help: LGBTQ Domestic Violence Breaking the Silence Project National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence (1-800-799-SAFE or 1-800-787-3224 TTY)) |
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Got Milk? I do...Submitted by Juliet on December 28, 2008 - 11:16pm.
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If you have read this blog in the past, then you know how often I tell you to know your history and appreciate those who came before us that made it possible for us to have the rights we have today. I also have talked about Harvey Milk alot too. Well, I finally went to see the movie Milk today! I know, I know…you would have thought I would have gone the night it opened, but I didn’t. I wish I would have because then I could have joined my fellow activists with Impact Cincinnati! Better late than never right? I knew going into the theater that I would get emotional. I knew what to expect…I mean, I knew the story behind it. But when you watch this story on the big screen there was something more moving than just knowing the story. More than just knowing who Harvey Milk was and the changes he made. I never realized it before, but to me, Harvey Milk WAS the start of the Gay Movement. The things he did, the risks he took and the passion he had for you and for me is just amazing. He was…no, he IS the Martin Luther King for our community. As I sat watching the movie, what brought me to tears wasn’t only because of his untimely and unnecessary death, but also for the “what might have beens”. Where would we be today if Harvey Milk were still alive? What rights would we have today if he had been able to continue his crusade for equal rights? Would we live in a safer country? Could we walk down the street showing affection with each other without fear? Would those who have died because of hatred and ignorance still be alive today? These questions will go unanswered. But after those questions went through my mind, I realized something. Harvey Milk is still alive. He is within all of us who want to be treated with fairness and equality. Harvey Milk started out just like you and me. The only difference is that he had the courage to stand up and say, “Hope will never be silent.” The movement is still alive. We are still fighting. We still deserve equal rights. Here are some comparisons to what was happening then and what’s happening now: 1. Anita Bryan and John Briggs were then like how we now view the Morman Church (and George Bush). 2. Prop 6 (Employment and Housing rights) was the same as our fight today with Prop 8. 3. The marches, protests, chants and the struggles then are like the protests we have been involved with today over Prop 8 and all the other anti-gay legislatures today. 4. Mayor Moscone was a supporter then as is Mayor Newsome today. 5. There was hatred and ignorance then just as there still is today. 6. As for Harvey Milk…well, we are still waiting for another leader like him. I took my brother with me. Last minute thing. I was going to go by myself and then since he’s in town for the holiday he decided to go with me. Being that he lives in Miami, FL I don’t see him but once a year and its been that way pretty much for the past 10 years. So I thought this would be a good opportunity for him to maybe understand me better, I don’t know. After the movie was over, I asked him what he thought. His answer didn’t surprise me, but I was slightly irritated. He said, “There were a lot of kissing scenes and nudity.” WTF? That was the impression left with him?? Well, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, he’s straight and sheltered. My response to him was, “There was a lot less kissing and nudity than most other movies!” He didn’t have a response to that…probably because he knew I’d made a great point. So, my take on the movie? GO SEE IT!!! And as I’ve said many times before…know your history. Understand the struggles that happened in the past so that we can move forward today and in the future. And don’t just think that someone else will help make change happen. Change starts with you. If you want to keep up with whats going on around Cincinnati and our fight here locally, then visit www.impactcincinnati.com. I guess it just comes down to how much equal rights mean to you and if you’re willing to make an impact. Not just for you, but for your friends, family, your children and all the others who will come after us. Let’s work now to get what we all deserve…Equal Rights. Please go to www.julietandjuliett.com and listen to the audio tape that Harvey Milk made in the event of his death. And if you are thinking that you don’t want to get involved…maybe this will help you to see how much we need you and how much our community needs you. Don’t let the dream of Harvey’s message go unheard. Stand up and fight for your rights. The rights that you deserve…that we all deserve. |
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Dave Matthews Band Member Dead at 46Submitted by Juliet on August 20, 2008 - 9:02am.
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I am totally devastated by this news…..If you’re a DMB follower, then you have heard already. LeRoi Moore, Sax player and founding memeber of the Dave Matthews Band has died due to complications from an ATV accident back in June. It was thought that he would recover from his injuries, but passed away from complications. What we know: LeRoi died this afternoon at an LA Hospital. DMB has decided to go on with their LA show tonight. Some fans say feel that’s what LeRoi would have wanted. There isn’t anymore information on what happened other than “there were complications.” I know he had broken ribs and a punctured lung, but since the accident, no other information has been given. I’ll post more when I know. RIP LeRoi Moore. DMB will not be the same without you.
From the Official Dave Matthews Website: www.davematthewsband.com As we sat this afternoon contemplating the loss of our brother, we wondered how we could possibly do a show today. Dave put it into perspective stating, “There’s no place I’d rather be than here with you guys right now.” We cherish special memories of our lost friend. Tonight, Dave told a story about LeRoi at a bar in Virginia where the cash register was near the stage and LeRoi leaned on the register because “standing had become a chore”. Roi proceeded to play the most beautiful version of Somewhere Over The Rainbow. Dave said, “that was the day I fell in love with him. And I’m still in love with him.” It’s safe to say we all were in love with him. “It’s always easier to leave, than to be left.” -DM Go to www.julietandjuliette.com to see a video from last nights show in LA and also a video tribute to LeRoi. Juliet Sources: |
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The Lesbian TestSubmitted by Juliet on August 19, 2008 - 3:08pm.
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What do you think of or see when you look at this photo?
If you said a women wearing a thong with her legs spread...Congratulations! You're a lesbian! If you said a lamp....sorry, you lose. Just kidding. Got this picture from a good friend of mine and thought it would be funny to post. Thanks Danielle! Juliet |
![optical[1].jpg](http://www.gaycincinnati.com/files/optical[1].jpg)
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Ellen and Portia: Wedded Bliss!!Submitted by Juliet on August 18, 2008 - 11:15am.
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On Saturday, August 16th, Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi were married in a backyard ceremony with a quaint 25 guests. I think it’s just wonderful! As with a lot of lesbians I’m sure, Ellen played an emense role in the acceptance of myself. Not only seeing her show, “Ellen” and the coming out episode, but also with her fearless ‘this is me, take it or leave it’ attitude. Since then I’ve been a huge fan. And Portia…well, not only is she beautiful, but she’s like my femme lesbian idol! I look forward to the day when something like this isn't big news. I hope that in our lifetime we get a chance to marry the ones we love and have it be recognized by every state on a Federal level. Allowing it to be about love and committment and not about judgement and so called religious opinion from the right-wings of our government. So, here are a few pics I found on www.365gay.com, and a cute video from YouTube.com created by a fan… CONGRATS ELLEN AND PORTIA!! (I can’t wait til it’s my turn…sigh)
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"Top Model" to Feature MTF Model!Submitted by Juliet on August 14, 2008 - 12:25pm.
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This just shows how very real the transgender movement is right now. America’s Next Top Model will be featuring a model by the name of Isis. She is beautiful, she’s talented and has a giving spirit as a non-profit employee. Isis is a transgender woman. GLADD President, Neil Giuliano said to MSNBC News that, “the inclusion of Isis on America’s Next Top Model offers an unprecidented opportunity for a community that is underrepresented on television. We applaud Tyra Banks and the CW network for making this historic visibility of transgender people possible.” That says it all to me. You can see Isis on America’s Next Top Model premiering on September 3rd on the CW. Juliet |
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Lesbian Bed Death?Submitted by Juliet on August 14, 2008 - 9:05am.
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Now this is a theory I just don’t get.
Lesbian Bed Death is a term created by sex researcher, Pepper Schwartz. It’s a term that describes, what she calls, the inevitable diminishment of sexual passion in a long-term lesbian relationship. Schwartz study indicated that over time, lesbians have less sex than all other couples, no matter the sexual orientation. Most noted was the fact that there was a steep decline in sexual activity among lesbians after the first year! WHAT??? I’m sorry, but I do not agree with that. I mean, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m having sex till I’m old and grey! And even if there is some truth to this study, why does it affect lesbians more? I know PLENTY of straight couples that have been married for years and don’t have sex anymore. I hear my male friends talk about it all the time. Even if they’re not married. So, the fact that Schwartz is saying it happens more in lesbians is bizarre to me. I might also add that her theory states that women lose their sexual urges when they feel they are in a secure relationship. Maybe there is some truth to that…but I have to think that if you continue to have sex with your partner, doesn’t that ensure the security of the relationship? Not that you should make sure to have sex with your partner everyday for the rest of your life. I’m aware that there are stresses that take you “out of the mood” and you can be so busy you might not feel like it all the time. But to lessen the amount of sex you have only after a year? To me, that would be cause for concern. So, in my opinion…. KEEP HAVING SEX! It’s a beautiful, fun and thrilling experience when you are with someone you love and want to be with for the rest of your life. And if you’re not having sex anymore, only after a year, maybe you need to find what’s keeping you and work on it. If it doesn’t improve, then maybe that person isn’t right for you sexually. It could be a lot of circumstances that tie into it. Maybe I’m a little bias…I want to have sex with my girlfriend all the time! Juliet |
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Looking for Him...Submitted by Juliet on August 13, 2008 - 1:18pm.
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My biological father, Ben passed away from AIDS in 2001. With not meeting him for the first time until I was 24, I never got much of a chance to get to know him before he died. Actually, I only know a handful of things about him with the exception of any negative comments about him from other family members. They have reasons to feel these things about him. He didn’t lead the greatest life. He constantly borrowed money from people, he bounced checks, he got evicted from places on numerous occasions and he lied, a lot. The worst part of it was that he left my mother with two young children…took the car and other things in the middle of winter and left her. My sister was 5 and I wasn’t even a year old. That did not sit well with me…still doesn’t. However, it wasn’t until after I came out,which was after he passed, that I started to have some sort of twisted understanding as to where he was coming from. I don’t condone they way he left us, but being gay in 1976, I’m sure wasn’t easy. He was trapped between a heterosexual world and the world he needed to be in. And neither was accepting of him. Gay with a wife and two kids just didn’t fly and well neither did being gay. So he ran away and he made mistakes. The night before he passed away he was unable to speak, however he could listen and understand. So, with seeing my father lay before me only weighing about 60lbs at 6′1″, I decided to tell him how I felt…about everything. It was the best thing I could have done for my own healing and for his. The last words I spoke to him, I said, “No matter what you did in your life or what anyone says, you will always be my father and no one can change that.” Since his death, I’ve wanted nothing more than to find out as much about him as possible. With being disowned from his family, I have no way of finding out personal things about him. Simple things. Stories or memories and of course medical history. I have been able to obtain his military records from when he was in Vietnam, but it doesn’t say much. I have a video of him and his brother, Roger, my uncle. However Roger died of lung cancer only two years after Ben. So, my link is gone. At this point, I’m trying to find out whatever I can, but I’m not sure where to start looking. I have all of his original documents, birth/death certificate, social security card, etc. Some people ask me why I want to find out information on someone who left us and treated my mother badly. Here’s the thing…It has nothing to do with the fact that he was gay or that I’m gay. Yes, I can relate to the feelings he may have felt being married and hiding his life, but that’s not it. He was a human being. He created me out of love and from what he told me, he loved me and thought of me everyday. There is no one else on this planet that cares about him or his things but me. This is hard for my family to understand. They think I honor him too much. For me, I don’t care what mistakes he made, there’s no reason why someone among the living shouldn’t care about him or his life in death. So, I will be continuing the journey of ‘looking for him’. Finding out whatever information on him I can. AIDS took him away before I had a chance to develop a relationship with him and before I was even able to come out to him. What I find of him is all I have now. If anyone has ever been through something similar, please share your stories with me. I’d love to get advice on the best ways to search for information. With every piece of information I find, I find him. I’ll keep you posted from time to time on how the search is going. Juliet |
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