hubbell68's blog

Operation: Straight Man

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 01:27:46 +0000

Last Friday a girlfriend of mine asked me to meet her (and some of her friends) at BronZ. I was told I had an acting assignment. A guy she was bringing was currently taking a Diversity class; his assignment was to go someplace “where you’re a minority.” He’s straight and therefore decided that going to a gay club would be perfect. So his gal pals took him to BronZ where, Betsy insisted, I should show up and hit on him. Shockingly, I’ve never hit on a straight guy; I have a hard enough time hitting on the gay ones. But I thought it would be fun to play along. Besides, maybe this guy would be cute; and wouldn’t it make a great story to tell our grandkids if I actually managed to bag him?

I was told to adopt a different name; so, since ‘Liberace’ might seem a tad obvious, I went with the name my mother originally wanted to give me at birth: Matthew. I was told what the guy, who we’ll simply call Assignment X, would be wearing: a loud, neon blue and white striped shirt (was Betsy SURE he wasn’t gay?). And I was told to make eye contact with him, flirt, and give him the impression that I was interested in more than knowing just his hat size.

If I’d had more time I would have included Nonta, bartendress supreme at BronZ, in our plan of deception. But I was unsure exactly how far I could take this with Assignment X. I had no idea who he was, what he looked like, or how comfortable (or uncomfortable) he really was around gays. “We don’t want to scare him,” I told Betsy. “I think scaring him is part of assignment,” she said. Suddenly I felt like a contestant on ‘Punk’d.’ Or, worse, ‘Fear Factor.’ I decided to bring my makeup concealer with me, in case I ended up with a black eye and had to do some fast touch-ups.

Since it was only 8:30pm at BronZ on a Friday night, we were the only people in the place (Northside really isn’t a happy hour ‘hood). I surveyed the room and located my quarry. Despite my best intentions, I couldn’t catch his eye for anything. I could have set myself on fire and asked him if he had an extinguisher and still I would have gotten no response. It was time to move to Plan B. Betsy, pretending she didn’t know me, waved me over. “Don’t sit by yourself, join us.” I’d flubbed my entrance; though I introduced myself as “Matt” to Betsy, I thought I’d blown my cover when one of her friends asked me my name. “Darren,” I replied on instinct. Convinced I’d screwed up the whole thing, I waited for Assignment X to catch on to me, but he didn’t. He still wouldn’t look at me, not even after Betsy told him I’d been making eye contact with him from across the bar. Still no response. ‘Operation: Straight Man’ had suddenly become ‘Mission: Impossible.’ Betsy wasn’t able to keep up the charade long, though, and soon blurted out the truth: I was the gay canard in the straight man’s ruse.

He able to relax after this, though, and insisted I take him across the street to Serpent, where he did his best to avert his eyes from the adult gay porn on the tv screens and became intrigued by the unusual items sold in the leather shop. As Betsy correctly stated after perusing the sexual hardware, “I think you have to be a doctor to use those safely and correctly on someone.” Anything that requires me to have a medical degree ain’t gonna be used behind closed doors.

We bolted across the street to BronZ, where a crowd had finally formed. Assignment X finally relaxed and had a good time, though he still seemed uncomfortable in the surroundings. He did, however, thank me for being “a great tour guide” through Northside’s gay bars. I think I have a backup plan if I should ever fall on hard times; I can always be a gay interpreter. Those Queer Eye guys don’t have a thing on me.

Helping the Straight Community Since 2009,

Darren M.

Proof Positive

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 00:58:32 +0000

Well, it took me quite a few years but sadly I now have some close friends who are HIV-positive. One is recently diagnosed, while the other has been positive for years. One is on no meds whatsoever (his immune system is still doing fine), while the other has recently felt like a guinea pig as he tries new regimens, trying to boost his T-cell count. One doesn't give his positive status much thought (it's still too early to dwell on it), while I can sense some fear in the other.

My brother recently commented that it seems as though you "never hear much about AIDS anymore" and, to an extent, he's right. Though there are certainly better drug cocktails that greatly prolong the lifespan of those with HIV, there's a lack of urgency about the disease that existed in the 1980's and continued well into the 1990's. It's a dangerous thing; younger men are now led to believe that HIV is akin to diabetes, something chronic but manageable. I'm not sure the pal I have who's been positive for years would agree with that. When I got my last HIV test back in October the counselor I spoke to talked about some of the terrible side effects current AIDS drugs can oftentimes come with; it was enough to scare anyone from ever having sex again.

When I look at my two close friends, at opposite ends of the HIV spectrum, I can't help but feel that we're doing a great disservice by NOT talking about this disease more. True, the battle against it has yielded great results in only thirty years (which is, when you think about it, pretty impressive...big strides have been made in a relatively short span of time). But when I speak to my one friend, who talks about losing his teeth, about his bouts of nausea, the sleepless nights, and the lack of desire in wanting to leave his apartment some days I can't help but think we still have a long way to go. I'm sure he would agree.

Over and Out,

Darren M.

Call for Nationwide Rallies on Marriage Decision Day

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 01:07:23 +0000

From The Advocate:

Though Californians and people across the country await the state supreme court's decision on same-sex marriage, several activists are asking people not to simply wait around, but to come together and make their voices heard.

If all goes according to plan, people will gather in protest or celebration on the "Day of Decision," the night that California's supreme court rules whether to uphold or strike down a marriage ban that voters narrowly approved in November. The demonstration, spearheaded by Robin Tyler and Andy Thayer, will likely mirror the same events that followed the 2003 U.S. Supreme Court ruling for Lawrence v. Texas, which decriminalized homosexuality for consenting adults. The demonstrations in 2003 were in 50 cities across the country.

"By organizing now, we are also sending a message to the Court that people are watching what they do, and that if it's a bad decision, our community will not go softly into the night," said Thayer, co-founder of Chicago's Gay Liberation Network. "We will react with a justified anger at one of the worst, and most cowardly court decisions of our era. If we win, these actions will be celebrations, and an attempt to push the momentum of a California victory to other states and regions."

The court is required to deliver their opinion on whether it should reject or uphold the outcome of Proposition 8, a marriage ban rescinding the same court's ruling just six months earlier, allowing 18,000 gay and lesbian couples to marry in California.

To stay up to date on the events or to organize one in your city, visit DayofDecision.org

The Winter of Our Malcontent

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 01:02:17 +0000

Okay, it's been a long, painful winter. My blogging has dropped off, but I'm back. One would think winter to be the best time to write, because what else is there to do when it's cold OUTside but to stay INside. This hasn't been the case with me, though. For months now I've been...restless. Maybe hitting 40 back in October DID cause a crisis, because I've been nothing but reflective, distracted and anxious. Work's been stressful (doing two jobs for the price of one), the economy sucks, and my finances aren't doing much better. But I'm digging myself out of these holes, slowly but surely. I also think that for the first time in a long while I'm actually a bit lonely. Not lonely in the sense that I'm looking for a boyfriend, just generally lonesome and more than a little bored. I can always tell when this happens, because home is normally my refuge; I like to spend evenings at home as well as take a long Sunday to just stay in and read, watch a movie, spend time with the dogs, write, or find a new Colin Farrell screensaver for my computer.

But this winter I've wanted to be ANYWHERE but home, which leads me to believe I'm searching for something...or, perhaps, avoiding something. While I search for the correct answers, I promise to start blogging again. My public awaits.

The Not-So-Young and the Restless,

Darren M.

Got 'Milk?'

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 03:28:21 +0000

'Milk' won two awards at Sunday's Academy Awards: Best Original Screenplay (Dustin Lance Black) and Best Actor (Sean Penn). For Penn's heartfelt speech, click on the following link...

http://www.advocate.com/news_detail_ektid73600.asp

For Dustin Lance Black's win, click on...

http://www.advocate.com/exclusive_detail_ektid73729.asp

10 Things I Like About Northside:

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 01:56:27 +0000

1. The restaurant Honey, my favorite place for brunch. I just can't pass up the eggs benedict and side order of binkle fries.

2. The variety of other food joints, from eclectic (Slims) to vegetarian (Melt) to Indonesian (Gaja Wong) to greasy spoons. There's something for everyone…though the addition of a great Thai place would be nice.

3. Club BronZ, my favorite place to hang out and have a cocktail. Sometimes I think I stop in because I'm still trying to figure out how Nonta gets her hair to do that spikey thing.

4. The C & D Café, where I can get away from the gay drama and watch sports without being judged. And I can talk about life, love and politics with Mary Faith, a good wise soul.

5. My hairstylist Scott cuts hair right here in the ‘hood…and doesn't charge me an arm and a leg like the folks at Taylor Jameson. Scott’s also the coolest straight guy I know.

6. Having brunch with my gal pal Betsy at Sidewinder, where we can sit on comfy couches, grab a sandwich or coffee and listen to folk music.

7. The Avant Garage back room at Ali's Boutique, where you can find some great vintage clothes for great prices. God love the 70’s.

8. Bughouse Video, the best non-chain movie rental place in the city.

9. Having a UDF right down the street, because sometimes I just don’t feel like driving to Kroger (and UDF still has the best chocolate milkshakes in town).

10. The McKie Center, where I can workout for only $15 bucks a year. Best kept secret in town.

Out in Northside,

Darren M.

5 Things I Dislike About Northside:

Thu, 05 Feb 2009 21:55:22 +0000

1. Trash…and I don’t mean the trailer park kind. People are always dropping their litter (and I’m not talking about just their Big Gulp cups either). I’ve found car batteries in my front yard before. Finding that the neighbors have been evicted and left their furniture on the curb is one thing; finding an empty bag of Taco Bell leftovers is another. Trash cans have been around for ages, folks; my front yard is surprisingly NOT one.

2. Lack of parking. Though this is not normally a problem (when you live in the neighborhood, you can always walk), a large parking lot in the Northside business district would be a nice thing.

3. The fact that the Blue Cock Café (formerly known as The Fifth Amendment) no longer serves food. Now I can only drink there. It’s just not the same. The people at Boswell Alley are happy though, because it’s become my favorite late night place to grab take-out.

4. The frustrating fact that all of the air pumps at ALL of the gas stations in Northside always seem to be broken. I’ve had a slow leak in one of my rear tires for ages, and I always have to drive to the Shell station off the Hopple Street exit because the pumps in my neighborhood never seem to be working. Granted, I could get the tire replaced…but then I would have one less thing to gripe about in regards to Northside.

5. Since I technically live in the city, I’m now expected to fix up my house according to the Northside Beautification Society; I spent over $3000 this past summer repairing a gutter, having a tree cut back from the house and having the house painted. We all want Northside to look as good as possible; we just don’t like to be forced into it.

Yours in Complaint,

Darren M.

Why Northside? ‘Cuz It’s My Best Side

Thu, 05 Feb 2009 20:17:36 +0000

I’ve lived in Northside for over eight years now. No, it’s not quite yet the preeminent gay neighborhood it would like to be (and strives for), but it’s just about as close as you can get to it in the Queen City. When I first moved into ‘da hood (I rented and eventually bought the house in which I now live) my mother had a panic attack; she simply couldn’t understand why her youngest child was moving into such a “rough neighborhood.” Now, in my mother’s house the words “rough” and “black” are synonymous (and though my mother would never freely admit this, it IS implied). My mother is emphatically not racist, but she is sheltered. I could say she doesn’t understand because all she’s ever known is the comfortable suburban life, but this is untrue; my mother spent many years living on Riddle Road in Clifton, so she’s familiar with the environment. I think now that she’s so entrenched on the west wide, she simply can’t understand why anyone would want to live some place else. I, personally, have a hard time visiting anyone in the suburbs these days. Don’t get me wrong, I had a wonderful childhood and have lots of fond memories of that white picket fence atmosphere; but, like high school, I’m glad it’s over. Been there, done that, want to experience something else now. My brother moved his family to Mason because he, too, felt that the “rough” (read: black) element was beginning to pervade area schools, and he wanted his daughters to experience something else also. My visits to Mason are, thankfully, few and far in between. There’s something very Stepford Wives about the whole, thing; it’s too sterile, too clean. And I swear I’ve never seen one black person in Mason; I think there’s a written law on the books up there.

I took the house in Northside because it’s a great house, with just enough room for me and the dogs to breathe. I’ve considered renting out the upstairs room, but I simply can’t bring myself to do it. I like my privacy and independence; besides, that room is reserved for friends who come visit (and eventually, if the fates allow, a husband who needs a place to sleep when I’ve kicked him out of bed for forgetting to dvr last night’s episode of ‘Project Runway’).

It’s taken me eight years to get the house the way I want it, more or less (though the backyard is still an unpleasant mixture of weeds and dirt…I have the decorating gene but, sadly, not a green thumb). And in those eight years I’ve come to really love the neighborhood; I bought the house because of the house, not the ‘hood. But now I realize, that unless I move over the viaduct to the Clifton Gaslight area, there isn’t anywhere else I’d rather be than Northside; I think Northside is the “poor man’s Clifton,” with some of the same benefits (and drawbacks) but on a more affordable scale. We have great restaurants, great shops, and some nice bars and clubs; the only thing we don’t have is a movie theatre (but as long as the Esquire stays in business I won’t complain).

As for the gay and lesbian crowd in Northside, it’s fairly pervasive and friendly. And though it’s unlikely that it will ever equal Boys Town in Chicago or West Hollywood in Los Angeles (hey, a guy can dream), I for one am glad that at least there’s a strong GLBT “presence” in Northside. And it’s certainly nice to have the gay pride festival right around the corner each year. That’s something you don’t see in the suburbs (I think that’s also written into the books).

I moved to Northside because of the house; I’ve stayed because of the people. There are still some picket fences in Northside, but they’re no longer white. They’re rainbow. I’ll take that over a trip to Stepford-ville any day.

Out in ‘Da Hood,

Darren M.

'Cuz the Bible Tells Me So...

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 14:45:34 +0000

With Lifetime airing the movie 'Prayers for Bobby' this weekend, I thought I'd share something a friend of mine passed along to me. In the movie, Bobby's mother (played by Sigourney Weaver) cannot accept her son's homosexuality due to her beliefs in what the Bible actually says on the subject. After her son's suicide she would change her mind, eventually becoming an advocate for gays and lesbians. The friend who sent this to me simply called it "Dear Anonymous Evangelical":

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1 ). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21 . In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Amen.

Prayers for Bobby

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 21:44:07 +0000

When I first came out I gave my mother a copy of this book, a true account about a young gay man who committed suicide. His mother, a devout Christian, had inflicted a good deal of guilt on him. Looking back I realize that I might have erred by recommending my mother read 'Prayers for Bobby.' I was not suicidal; I simply offered it because my mother is also a Christian, and I thought the mother's passages dealing with the Bible and homosexuality (and how Bobby's mother was able to reconcile the two) would help my mother through a trying time.

Anyway, Lifetime is airing the movie on Saturday, January 24th. It's been getting good reviews, so check it out. Here's the link:

www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/movies/prayers-bobby

The Controversy Continues...

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 21:37:25 +0000

When Rev. V. Gene Robinson took to the stage at a star-studded, pre-inauguration event Sunday afternoon in Washington D.C., millions of LGBT Americans eagerly anticipated what the openly gay bishop would have to say about equality in America.

But Robinson’s invocation never aired on television – he was cut from the telecast of the Lincoln Memorial event.

In a call placed to HBO, the premium pay channel on which the Obama Inaugural Celebration at the Lincoln Memorial aired, a spokesperson told After Elton the decision not to air Robinson’s prayer was made by the Obama transition team.

HBO's senior vice president, Jeff Cusson, gave a similar account. "HBO had no involvement in the scheduling of those who appeared as part of the televised event. You'll have to talk to [the Presidential Inaugural Committee] about all of the scheduling decisions. We had a set broadcast time and went forth accordingly," Cusson told gay activist Leah McElrath.

But explanations from the Presidential Inaugural Committee (PIC) failed to illuminate how the decision was made and by whom. "We had always intended and planned for Rt. Rev. Robinson's invocation to be included in the televised portion of yesterday's program," PIC communications director Josh Earnest said. "We regret the error in executing this plan – but are gratified that hundreds of thousands of people who gathered on the mall heard his eloquent prayer for our nation that was a fitting start to our event."

According to reports from the scene, many people in attendance could not hear Robinson’s speech because of technical difficulties, although acoustics during the entire event were said to be difficult for those viewing from the further reaches of the crowd.

PIC appears to doing some damage control. A source close to inaugural officials tells that The Advocate that, prior to President-elect Obama's swearing in Tuesday, portions of Robinson's prayer would be included in a series of concert clips that will stream on jumbo screens for those gathered on the National Mall to view the inauguration ceremony. Pastor Rick Warren will deliver the invocation Tuesday, a decision which has caused anger and frustration in the LGBT community since Warren has likened gay relationships to incest and statutory rape.

From The Advocate.com

Slings and Arrows

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 20:50:59 +0000

Resolution: noun. The quality of having a fixed purpose; determination or firmness.

It’s nearly eight o’clock on New Year’s Eve, and I’ve decided to stay in for the evening. I could blame it on my car, which is going into the shop first thing Monday morning; it (like its owner) is in need of a few repairs. It’s drivable (though it sounds a little like Danny Zuko’s 1948 Ford before it got its Greased Lightning makeover), but I’d rather not risk getting stuck someplace on December 31st, a night when cabs are impossible to get, let alone tow trucks.

My ex (Mike) and his husband invited me to their New Year’s Eve party, and I would have gone for a little while (they really know how to entertain), but it’s a little too far for me to risk it. And though it’s incredibly sweet that my ex and I (and his partner) are all good friends, for me it would be a little sad; New Year’s Eve three years ago was, for Mike and me, the moment when I think we both realized it wasn’t going to work. Returning to the house which was never mine but which certainly was now someone else’s would be, at best, bittersweet, and I knew my celebratory party mood would be disingenuous.

My favorite lesbian couple, Rachel and April, also invited me to a party, but I don’t know the people hosting it; I know I’d feel a little out of place. No matter how old I get I still find myself occasionally falling into my pre-high school wallflower days around a roomful of strangers. Staring down a friendly but unknown crowd is a little like standing in front of a firing squad that’s given you your last cigarette but not the blindfold.

I might possibly walk down to BronZ a bit later (BronZ, for me, is the bar equivalent of meatloaf…it’s comfort food). I decided to pass on another club here in Northside, where a private party (for seventy-five bucks or so) will buy you unlimited food, liquor and…um…the opportunity to get fucked in a sling if so desired. Maybe I’m getting old, perhaps I’m more conservative than I consider myself to be, or maybe it’s simply not my thing, but I’ll pass. I’d prefer to not begin the new year with the threat of a communicable disease hanging over my head. Besides, I don’t want to eat someplace where I have to worry about whether or not that really IS mayonnaise I’m putting on my ham sandwich.

So it looks like I’m in for the night, happy and cozy with a glass of cheap wine and a good book (‘Revolutionary Road’, Richard Yates’ bleak but well-written novel about the disintegration of a marriage in the 1950’s). I also went to the library and rented a couple of decent movies; I watched ‘The Nanny Diaries’ earlier (cute chick flick with Laura Linney and hottie Chris Evans, who sadly keeps his shirt on the entire time), and ‘The Savages’ (I’m on a Laura Linney kick), a biting, devastating, dead-on portrayal of a dysfunctional brother and sister coping with the consequences of having to place their father in a nursing home; rent it…it’s one of the best films of last year. Right now I have ‘The Women’ on (the 1939 classic, not the god-awful recent remake with Meg Ryan). Later I’ll turn on CNN to watch Kathy Griffin, who’s co-hosting the New Year’s Eve festivities with Anderson Cooper (I know a lot of gay men drool over him, but he does nothing for me). I could watch Dick Clark’s ‘Rockin’ New Year’s Eve’, but then I’d have to put up with Ryan Seacrest and the Jonas Brothers, and there’s not enough cheap wine in the house for that kind of endurance test.

So another year has come and gone. And like every other year before it, it has had its share of hits and misses. In the past twelve months we’ve fallen into an economic recession, elected our first black president, and witnessed terrorist attacks on Mumbai, while enduring the sixth year of our nation’s own war in Iraq. Some people captured a nation: Michael Phelps and Tina Fey come to mind (you betcha). Some celebs made comebacks (memo to Britney: stay away from the boys, the booze and electric hair clippers and you’ll be fine). Others made untimely exits (Heath Ledger, Paul Newman, Estelle Getty and Eartha Kitt, to name a few important to the GLBT community). A moose-shootin’ governor from Alaska almost made it to the White House, while previously convicted fallen football hero O.J. Simpson is due to be sent to the Big House. We’ve seen politicians fall and gas prices rise. As gay men and women we’ve also endured a tumultuous year. Gay marriage was legalized in California, and then outlawed a few months later. The movie ‘Milk’ reminded us of how far we’ve come since Proposition 6 in 1978, while Proposition 8 thirty years later opened our eyes to how far we still have to go. A transgendered man became pregnant and gave birth. Clay Aiken finally announced what everyone except the Claymates already knew. Ellen got hitched and Madonna got divorced (I’m still wearing black over this one). The rate of HIV infections went up, and Florida’s statewide ban on gays being able to adopt was struck down. The list of names, both famous and infamous, that summed up a pretty newsworthy year were indicative of the highs and the lows in gay culture: Eliot Spitzer, Rachel Maddows, Denise Simmons, Lawrence King, Sally Kern, Rick Warren, Gus Van Sant, and Candis Cayne.

It’s been a fascinating 2008 in the GLBT community, with both large strides and major setbacks. I, personally, can’t think of a better time to be gay in today’s world. For better or for worse we’re at a point in our history where, sink or swim, this is our time to step up, step out, and step forward to fight for our rights. Call it age, call it wisdom, call it anger fused with empathy. I’m not sure; but with each passing year I become more political. Suddenly for me, sex is out and freedom is in. Could this be what a mid-life crisis feels like? I don’t think so, because I’m not looking to trade in my Hyundai for a fire-red Mustang, and I’m not looking for a twenty-one year old boy to make me feel good about myself; I already feel good about myself. I guess I’ve just reached a point where doing some THING is more important than doing some ONE. In short, I’m ready to set aside the slings and face the arrows in order to fight for something that truly matters. In one year I’ve gone from being Hubbell to being Katie. (If you’re a movie buff and you’ve seen ‘The Way Were Were’, you know what I’m talking about). So I say goodbye to 2008 and look forward to 2009 with a renewed sense of hope, promise and purpose.

Resolutely Yours,

Darren M.

Gay Cinema's Best

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 19:53:48 +0000

With “Milk” now playing in theatres nationwide, I decided to try and put together a top ten list of my favorite gay films. A few rules apply. First, the film must be predominantly gay or lesbian; it has to have more than just one or two gay characters (so such gay-friendly films like ‘As Good As It Gets’ and one of my personal faves, ‘Chasing Amy’ do no qualify). Also, I’ve included no movies in which we, the audience, are supposed to “infer” that the characters are/might be gay or lesbian (such as the sanitized ‘Fried Green Tomatoes’, which sadly was very gay on the page but is definitely not on screen). And last, this list is comprised of films only released in theatres; in short, no made-for-tv movies, etc. Let me know if you agree or disagree with my choices; and be sure to let me know what your queer favorites are.

1. The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (1994). Surprisingly I was turned off of this film when I first saw it; I thought it too mean spirited and unfeeling. Repeated viewings made me realize just how wrong I was. Smart, witty and inventive, ‘Priscilla’ works because of its top-notch cast (especially Terence Stamp as transsexual Bernadette) and outrageous Academy Award-winning costumes (courtesy of Lizzy Gardiner). Described as “a road movie with attitude,” ‘Priscilla’ overflows with sarcasm, dead-on observations about gay life and just the right amount of Abba songs.

2. Beautiful Thing (1996). It’s interesting that my top two choices are non-American films (‘Priscilla’ is Australian and ‘Beautiful’ was made in the U.K.). I selected this one for a variety of reasons; it’s a good coming of age story, and the cast is first-rate. But let’s face it, ‘Beautiful Thing’ has, arguably, the best (and most uplifting) ending of any gay film. Ever.

3. Maurice (1987). Okay, so my top THREE choices are non-American films. This British film, based on the novel by E.M. Forster, is everything Merchant & Ivory films are about: sexually repressed, upper class Brits. This time, the protagonists happen to be gay. But I’m a sucker for this type of costume drama; immense drawing rooms, stately mansions…and a central love story in which the lead actor gets it on with the gardener; it’s ‘Lady Chatterly’s Lover’ for the high-minded gay set.

4. Brokeback Mountain (2005). Okay, finally an American film on my list. I’m about to commit gay blasphemy by saying that no, I do not think this is the greatest gay film of all time. But it’s definitely a great film, with a superb script, a flawless cast and sure-footed direction. While I found ‘Brokeback’ incredibly moving, it didn’t resonate with me the way some other gay films did (if for no other reason than I’ve never been married and had to deal with the dilemma of living one life but wanting to live another). So ultimately all I can say is that while I appreciate ‘Brokeback Mountain’ and its cultural significance, it still only comes in at number four on my list. Okay, go ahead…I’m ready to suffer the slings and arrows of gay men everywhere who think ‘Brokeback’ is the gay equivalent of ‘Gone With the Wind.’ Fiddle-dee-dee.

5. Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001). Billed as “An anatomically incorrect rock odyssey”, ‘Hedwig’ is one of gay cinema’s wildest rides, thanks to two men: John Cameron Mitchell (star and co-writer) and Stephen Trask (who co-wrote the script and composed the film’s knockout original score). A must-see. And enough said.

6. Longtime Companion (1990). ‘Parting Glances’ may hold the distinction as being the first gay film to deal with the AIDS crisis, and ‘Philadelphia’ may have been the most high-profile, but for sheer emotion nothing comes close to ‘Longtime Companion.’ Sad, funny, and devastating.

7. Transamerica (2005). Felicity Huffman’s Oscar-nominated performance is the main reason to see this road film about a pre-op transsexual who meets and bonds with her long-lost son on a cross country journey. It falls into some cliché traps common to road pictures, but Huffman elevates it by infusing the character of Bree with real depth, rather than playing it for laughs.

8. The Broken Hearts Club (2001). A winning, feel-good film about gay friends living in West Hollywood. It pretends to be nothing more than what it is: a warm, small romantic comedy (with just the right amount of pathos) that manages to escape most of its inherent “sitcom-like” feel. An attractive, appealing cast helps.

9. Boys Don't Cry (1999). Hilary Swank won a well-deserved Oscar for her performance in director Kimberly Pierce’s docudrama about real-life transgendered teen Brandon Teena; Teena was murdered when, after living life in a male identity, it was discovered that he was born biologically female. Hard to watch, but worth the emotional investment.

10. The Boys in the Band (1970). This landmark in gay cinema, when viewed today, may come off to some as just one more painful reminder of how far we’ve come (hopefully) in the last forty years. Based on a play by Mart Crowley, ‘Boys’ takes place during the course of one evening in New York as a group of gay men gather to celebrate a birthday. Bitchy, mean-spirited, but painfully accurate in many ways, ‘The Boys in the Band’ features every gay stereotype known to man. But it’s on my list, if only for its historical significance. It also has the best monologue ever about what all self-loathing gay men no doubt think of themselves. Let me say that again: Best. Gay. Monologue. Ever.

So there’s my list. A few other films came perilously close to making it. I love ‘A Home at End of World’ with Colin Farrell. Ditto on the daring 'Swoon’ and charming ‘Get Real.’ ‘Gods and Monsters’ includes arguably the best gay performance ever (Ian McKellen is every bit as good in this as Heath Ledger was in ‘Brokeback’). ‘Making Love’ (Hollywood’s first attempt at a mainstream gay film) is historically importantly but too bland for my tastes. And though I enjoy ‘Too Wong Foo’, let’s face it…it’s a pale American version of ‘Priscilla.’ And I think I’m the only gay guy who didn’t care for ‘Sordid Lives.’ But then, I’m not a fan of ‘Rocky Horror’ either. See, I committed gay blasphemy yet again. But before you send me a vicious email attesting to the merits of ‘The Birdcage’ (enjoyable but woefully out-dated), I should let you know that I am aware my list is entirely subjective. I don’t profess to be a film scholar. I'm just a gay guy who loves movies.

But I still think ‘Brokeback Mountain’ is over-rated.

Yours in Blasphemy,

Darren M.

Support for Gay Marriage "Surging" According to 'Newsweek'

Sat, 06 Dec 2008 16:35:14 +0000

I take this with a grain of salt, but it's encouraging nonetheless. The following is from a new study conducted by Newsweek:

When voters in California, Florida and Arizona approved measures banning same-sex marriage last month, opponents lamented that the country appeared to be turning increasingly intolerant toward gay and lesbian rights. But the latest NEWSWEEK Poll finds growing public support for gay marriage and civil unions—and strong backing for the granting of certain rights associated with marriage, to same-sex couples.

Americans continue to find civil unions for gays and lesbians more palatable than full-fledged marriage. Fifty-five percent of respondents favored legally sanctioned unions or partnerships, while only 39 percent supported marriage rights. Both figures are notably higher than in 2004, when 40 percent backed the former and 33 percent approved of the latter. When it comes to according legal rights in specific areas to gays, the public is even more supportive. Seventy-four percent back inheritance rights for gay domestic partners (compared to 60 percent in 2004), 73 percent approve of extending health insurance and other employee benefits to them (compared to 60 percent in 2004), 67 percent favor granting them Social Security benefits (compared to 55 percent in 2004) and 86 percent support hospital visitation rights (a question that wasn't asked four years ago). In other areas, too, respondents appeared increasingly tolerant. Fifty-three percent favor gay adoption rights (8 points more than in 2004), and 66 percent believe gays should be able to serve openly in the military (6 points more than in 2004).

Despite the recently approved state measures, public opinion nationally has shifted against a federal ban on same-sex marriage. In 2004, people were evenly divided on the question, with 47 percent favoring a constitutional amendment prohibiting gay marriage and 45 percent opposing one. In the latest poll, however, 52 percent oppose a ban and only 43 percent favor one. When respondents were asked about state measures, the numbers were closer: 45 percent said they'd vote in favor of an amendment outlawing gay marriage in their states, while 49 percent said they'd oppose such a measure.

A number of factors seem to play a role in swaying people one way or the other. For instance, 62 percent of Americans say religious beliefs play an important role in shaping their views on gay marriage. According to the survey, two-thirds of those who see marriage as primarily a legal matter support gay marriage. On the other hand, two-thirds of those who see it as mostly a religious matter (or equal parts religious and legal) oppose gay marriage. Moreover, the poll found significant differences across generational lines. Essentially, the younger you are, the more likely you are to support same-sex marriage. About half of those aged 18 to 34 back marriage rights, compared to roughly four in 10 among those aged 35 to 64 and only about two in 10 among those 65 and older. The survey also detected a gender gap, with women more likely to support gay marriage than men, 44 percent to 34 percent. Differences by race appear less noteworthy: 40 percent of whites approve of gay marriage, compared to 37 percent of non-whites.

One reason that tolerance for gay marriage and civil unions may be on the rise is that a growing number of Americans say they know someone who's gay. While in 1994, a NEWSWEEK Poll found that only 53 percent of those questioned knew a gay or lesbian person, that figure today is 78 percent. Drilling down a bit more, 38 percent of adults work with someone gay, 33 percent have a gay family member and 66 percent have a gay friend or acquaintance.

Darren says: Progress? Let's hope. If nothing else, at least the passing of Proposition 8 has brought gay marriage front and center in the political arena. I'll be curious to see how President-Elect Obama addresses this. Also, several military generals recently spoke out about the "don't ask, don't tell" policy, saying it was out-dated and that it should be abolished. How will Obama handle this? When top military leaders begin to cry "foul", eventually something will have to be done. Stay tuned.

Over and Out,

Darren M.

Got "Milk?"

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 21:34:49 +0000

This new film, directed by Gus Van Sant, has already opened in select cities; it hits the Queen City on Friday, December 12th and will be playing at the Esquire in Clifton. In light of the passage of Proposition 8 in California last month, "Milk" is certain to stir up new debates regarding gay rights.

Thank goodness the real holiday movie season is gearing up; personally I think it's been a mediocre year for movies. "Milk" should be a much-needed kick start to the 2008 Oscar season. To view the film's official website (with trailers, photos and more) click on the following:

http://www.filminfocus.com/focusfeatures/film/milk/

Support "Milk!" It's good for your gay bones.

Over and Out,

Darren M.